Socialist Alliance plots universal domination, time machine

... or so The Newcastle Gerald would have you believe.

Possibly in cahoots with the Greens, the Socialist Alliance in Newcastle is apparently heavily involved in a dastardly plot to destroy - not just the planet - but the entire Universe!

Along with the Evil Communists™ of the European (and Broader) Scientific Community, these nasty types have been linked, by the worthy Gerald, to the "Large Hadron Collider" (LHC), a devilish piece of technology designed to create anti-matter and small black holes, thereby destroying the world, the Solar System, and the Universe itself.

This mechanism is set to go online on September 10, perfect time for the Socialists and Greens to hold the country to ransom - first to win the council elections on September 13; then to influence the Federal Government's response to climate change in the Green Paper on the creation of a Climate Pollution Reduction Scheme and ruin the Australian Economy!

This may seem a little far-fetched, but scratch the surface, and all is revealed:
* these groups (scientists, environmentalists, socialists) have led the way in warning us of climate change;
* rather than faith in the Almighty Invisible Hand of the Market™, they largely prefer to rely upon measurement, fact, and "science" (a favouritism stretching back as far as Marx and Engels)
* communists, like the Socialist Alliance like to call themselves "scientific socialists", and are known to use "science", along with the Greens, and other communistic advocates of Global Warming, as a mind-control tool as part of their plan for world domination;
* and finally, the puzzle completed itself all of a sudden, with the international popularity of a hip-hop song about the LHC, recorded by one of the creators herself. The link? The Socialist Alliance Mayoral candidate for Newcastle - Zane Alcorn - is also a rapper, performing under a number of pseudonyms, including "Doc Fruit". Coincidence? Some would think not!

Zane and his socialist comrades for Newcastle Council are naturally campaigning on the need to avert the massive catastrophe of human-induced climate change, a position shared (with some nuances) by the Greens (known to the far-right and editors of The Australian as "The Watermelons").

But never fear, friends, for a hardy and brave band of torch-bearers (comprised of business, "climate sceptic scientists" and government) are fighting this evil: warning of the lies behind the "science" of climate change, trying to confuse the enemy with false solutions, and warning of the satanic roots of science - astrophysics in particular.

Only through this fillibuster will truth and order be restored, along with faith in the One True God - the Invisible Hand of the Market.

Only then will the natural order of the world be maintained.